1. I refer you to the posts on Preparing for Pregnancy (I and II). Those list some of the things you will need.
2. You need a Boppy, or something similar. A Boppy is essentially a a specially designed pillow used by a mother to help rest the baby on while breast feeding. My wife just used a normal pillow stuffed under her arm, but I recommend that you look at a Boppy to know what you're going for. You can find them at Babies R Us and Target, and probably most other places too.
3. You need diapers. Don't be fooled into thinking the most expensive ones are the best, but on the same note, don't think that any cheap brand will do. Sadly, you'll have to do some experimentation to see what works best for you. Disposable diapers are more convenient by a long shot, but they are also partially responsible for diaper rashes (holds the moisture close to the skin).
4. You'll need wipes. Some people are opposed to wipes, not wanting any chemicals on their new baby, which is fine, but we've never had a problem. On that same note, we never used a "wipe warmer" either, and I see no real need for one, though I can see how it might be more confortable.
5. You'll need bottles. Even if you plan to breast feed I would suggest having a bottle or two in case it doesn't work out. The hospital might send you home with one but that one is most likely not all that good. I strongly recommend Dr. Brown's bottles (available most places) as they really do help prevent painful gas for baby. You won't need a bottle warmer neccessarily. The same effect can be achieved by running the bottle under hot water. Make sure you test it on your forearm before you feed it to baby.
6. You'll need ointment for the baby's but and for Mom's nipples. As for baby, I recommend Butt Paste. It comes in a yellow tube and has a goofy-looking cartoonish baby on it. This stuff is really good for helping clear up a rash. And some sort of powder to use in the diaper as a matter of course to help prevent a rash in the first place.
7. You'll need a baby monitor. We used a rather cheap one that worked out fine, so don't think that you need to buy a video monitor a motion sensor and all that stuff. However, if you can afford a video monitor, it might be fun and educational to watch how your baby sleeps.
8. You'll need a breast pump. Once the milk starts flowing it will be hard to stop, and that will hurt if you don't get it out. It at all possible I recommend an electronic one; you'll be tired enough as it is without having to work one of those.
9. You'll need a blanket big enough to swaddle the baby. There are specially designed swaddling blankets available if you'd like, but if you learn the technique these aren't neccessary.
10. You'll need toys. Get mirrors, things that are colorful, things that make noise, whatever can help stimulate your baby's senses. Along these same lines you will want to get a mobile for the crib. Invest in something nice, something with a lullabye that moves around.
11. You'll need a car seat. Both parents need to take time to learn how to install the car seat properly. You can learn this from an experienced parent or even at the fire station (really, they'll teach you).
Friday, April 3, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Preparing for Pregnancy, part II
Part II: Some Practical Steps
You have thought it through and both you and your spouse are sure that you are ready to add a third member to the party: you are ready to get pregnant. Well, you first step is to keep thinking and assessing and especially praying, making sure, as I said in part I, to share with your insights and learning with your spouse.
Your second step (actually there is no particular order to the steps at all, you can and should do them all simultaneously) is to start getting some of that learning. Start finding and reading some books on pregnancy and child birth, and of course you can find an abundance of information on the internet. Also, talk to people that have been pregnant and ask them what their experience was like. What were the challenges and how did they overcome them? What were the joys? A word of caution on both bocks and friends: everybody has a different opinion because everybody’s story is different. The point here is to gain a wide breadth of information to help you prepare for as many potential pregnancy scenarios as possible. Some books I recommend are:
Husband-Coached Childbirth, by Dr. Robert Bradley. This book is a bit dated (ok, quite a bit dated) and Dr. Bradley is NOT a fan of medication in childbirth. To be fair, the drugs used when he first wrote the book are different than they are now, and whether to use medication or not is up to you. I appreciate this book for the physical and breathing exercises it lays out as well as for his advocacy of a calm, meditative environment for childbirth. Get this book early so you can begin working together on the exercises as soon as possible. There is more information on “The Bradley Method” here: http://www.bradleybirth.com/
The Pregnancy Journal, Revised Edition : A Day-to-Day Guide to a Healthy and Happy Pregnancy, by A. Christine Harris. This is another book to get early on so you can follow the developmental process of the baby inside Mom. There is room to take notes so you can remember this time (it feels like you will never forget it when you are going through it, but you will) and has tips on how to deal with the different challenges at different stages.
Pregnancy : The Ultimate Week-by-Week Pregnancy Guide (You & Your Baby), by Laura Riley, M.D. The author is an OBGYN and is, as the name suggests, a week-by-week reference to your pregnancy. What is particularly helpful about this book are the numerous illustrations.
Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy. This one is more academic and because it covers a lot of things, including things that could (but probably won’t) go wrong, it can be a bit scary, but still, it is detailed and is very helpful in that way.
Pregnancy Sucks: What to Do When Your Miracle Makes You Miserable, by Joanne Kimes and Sanford Tisherman. I didn’t read this book, but my wife did and she enjoyed it quite a bit, especially since her pregnancy sucked and nobody seemed to understand that.
There are a plethora of other books available on this subject. Check out http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/books/ for a good list. Another valuable resource is your hospital. Most hospitals put on classes for both parents as they prepare for baby and you really MUST attend these. Also, never be afraid to ask the doctor who is following you through the pregnancy. This bit of advice is for Dad’s too, who should make every effort to attend the appointments.
Another thing you will need to do is get physically ready. Mom’s weight is obviously going to change during the pregnancy (if it doesn’t something is wrong) and it is important to be as close as possible to a healthy weight before you get pregnant; the healthier your body is the easier this is going to be on all three of you. Eat a balanced, nutritious diet and stay away from sugar. I recommend you stay away as much as possible from processed foods as well, but don’t get to fanatical about this one, sometimes you just need something microwaveable. Also, be sure you keep (or start) exercising. This doesn’t have to be extreme, but a brisk walk for 30 minutes a day or so will really make a difference in the coming months. When Mom’s body begins to feel all achy the swimming pool is a wonderful place to exercise.
This may be the time to quit certain things too. If you are your spouse smokes, for example, it’s time to let that go. Quitting smoking is stressful, and so is having a baby. Therefore, the best way to do it would be to take care of the one (smoking) before attempting the other (baby). If you are used to drinking fairly frequently it’s time to begin cutting back on that. Not only will this help you be in better physical condition, but it will be easier when the time comes to stop drinking altogether. It is important that both spouses participate in this, it is not fair for mom to have to try and do these lifestyle changes on her own.
You have thought it through and both you and your spouse are sure that you are ready to add a third member to the party: you are ready to get pregnant. Well, you first step is to keep thinking and assessing and especially praying, making sure, as I said in part I, to share with your insights and learning with your spouse.
Your second step (actually there is no particular order to the steps at all, you can and should do them all simultaneously) is to start getting some of that learning. Start finding and reading some books on pregnancy and child birth, and of course you can find an abundance of information on the internet. Also, talk to people that have been pregnant and ask them what their experience was like. What were the challenges and how did they overcome them? What were the joys? A word of caution on both bocks and friends: everybody has a different opinion because everybody’s story is different. The point here is to gain a wide breadth of information to help you prepare for as many potential pregnancy scenarios as possible. Some books I recommend are:
Husband-Coached Childbirth, by Dr. Robert Bradley. This book is a bit dated (ok, quite a bit dated) and Dr. Bradley is NOT a fan of medication in childbirth. To be fair, the drugs used when he first wrote the book are different than they are now, and whether to use medication or not is up to you. I appreciate this book for the physical and breathing exercises it lays out as well as for his advocacy of a calm, meditative environment for childbirth. Get this book early so you can begin working together on the exercises as soon as possible. There is more information on “The Bradley Method” here: http://www.bradleybirth.com/
The Pregnancy Journal, Revised Edition : A Day-to-Day Guide to a Healthy and Happy Pregnancy, by A. Christine Harris. This is another book to get early on so you can follow the developmental process of the baby inside Mom. There is room to take notes so you can remember this time (it feels like you will never forget it when you are going through it, but you will) and has tips on how to deal with the different challenges at different stages.
Pregnancy : The Ultimate Week-by-Week Pregnancy Guide (You & Your Baby), by Laura Riley, M.D. The author is an OBGYN and is, as the name suggests, a week-by-week reference to your pregnancy. What is particularly helpful about this book are the numerous illustrations.
Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy. This one is more academic and because it covers a lot of things, including things that could (but probably won’t) go wrong, it can be a bit scary, but still, it is detailed and is very helpful in that way.
Pregnancy Sucks: What to Do When Your Miracle Makes You Miserable, by Joanne Kimes and Sanford Tisherman. I didn’t read this book, but my wife did and she enjoyed it quite a bit, especially since her pregnancy sucked and nobody seemed to understand that.
There are a plethora of other books available on this subject. Check out http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/books/ for a good list. Another valuable resource is your hospital. Most hospitals put on classes for both parents as they prepare for baby and you really MUST attend these. Also, never be afraid to ask the doctor who is following you through the pregnancy. This bit of advice is for Dad’s too, who should make every effort to attend the appointments.
Another thing you will need to do is get physically ready. Mom’s weight is obviously going to change during the pregnancy (if it doesn’t something is wrong) and it is important to be as close as possible to a healthy weight before you get pregnant; the healthier your body is the easier this is going to be on all three of you. Eat a balanced, nutritious diet and stay away from sugar. I recommend you stay away as much as possible from processed foods as well, but don’t get to fanatical about this one, sometimes you just need something microwaveable. Also, be sure you keep (or start) exercising. This doesn’t have to be extreme, but a brisk walk for 30 minutes a day or so will really make a difference in the coming months. When Mom’s body begins to feel all achy the swimming pool is a wonderful place to exercise.
This may be the time to quit certain things too. If you are your spouse smokes, for example, it’s time to let that go. Quitting smoking is stressful, and so is having a baby. Therefore, the best way to do it would be to take care of the one (smoking) before attempting the other (baby). If you are used to drinking fairly frequently it’s time to begin cutting back on that. Not only will this help you be in better physical condition, but it will be easier when the time comes to stop drinking altogether. It is important that both spouses participate in this, it is not fair for mom to have to try and do these lifestyle changes on her own.
Preparing for Pregnancy, part I
Part I: Thinking it Through
Deciding to start a family is not something to be taken lightly. Adding a child to the mix will change your life forever, not to mention the life of the child yet to be born. With all the implications, impacts, and responsibilities that come with bringing a new baby into the world it would be a good idea to think things through and do a little planning and preparation before you begin trying to get pregnant. Ideally, you will begin the planning process at least three months before you begin trying, taking a year to prepare would be even better. If that feels like a long time, just remember how long you are going to have a child to care for!
To start, do a personal assessment. What are your reasons for wanting a child? Everybody will have slightly different answers, and none (well, most) aren’t wrong, but you need to be able to articulate your reasons for pursuing pregnancy. This, by the way, is true for both the mother and the father. What reservations do you have? If you have no reservations, think a little harder. Like I said, having a baby is life changing, you will have to give up certain things.
When you have thought through your motivations, hopes, and fears about pregnancy and child-rearing, think about your personal skills and weaknesses. How are you at being patient? Can you handle a messy house? When things begin to get uncomfortable (big belly, hormones, not to mention pushing a baby out) how will you handle it? What are your coping skills? Make an assessment of some of the very pragmatic elements involved in having a baby as well. How are you financially? Do you have health insurance (because you REALLY NEED health insurance)? Do you have a stable living environment (i.e. a stable home that is free from violence and other dangerous conditions)? What about the job situation? Does you or your spouse have a reasonably secure job?
Second, do a relationship assessment. There are many, many good, single parents in the world who work hard, love their children, and raise responsible adults, but single parenting is a hard road to take; it is not fair to you or to the child, who really needs the influence of both a mom and a dad. With that in mind, how stable is your relationship? A stable relationship is a relationship without abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), without secrets, and with complete trust. A stable relationship is a long-term relationship (i.e. 3-5 years) and is characterized by communications and compassion. Are you with the person you intend to stay with? Can you picture your spouse as a parent?
Having a child is something you need to discuss with your partner several times before actually trying to become pregnant. This might sound obvious, but it rarely occurs with the frequency and depth that it deserves. Part of the problem is we tend to assume that we know how our spouse feels about certain things because we know him/her so well about everything else. Moreover, there are many things that might seem obvious to you that are far from obvious to your spouse. So talk about pregnancy. Talk about what it will be like to be pregnant and what it will like to raise a child. Talk about discipline, talk about names. Talk about who is going to be in the room when the actual birth takes place. Talk about decorating the baby’s room, talk about feeding the baby. As each of you progress in this process of preparation and eventually pregnancy be sure to share insights, ideas, and bits of knowledge you learn along the way. There will almost certainly be some different opinions between the two of you, which is why it is a good idea to start this process early and allow time to sort everything out.
I mentioned that a stable relationship is a long-term relationship. Let me define that a little bit more and say why I think it is so important. To begin with, the count-down to “long-term” begins not when you first met or first started dating, but when you got married. Marriage changes a relationship, and people continue to change within a marriage. It is important that you get to know your partner as your spouse, not just your boyfriend/girlfriend. Also, when a third person comes into the house in the form of a small infant, you will find your time for each other dramatically reduced. The reasons for this are numerous, but in short you will be spending an amazing amount of time caring for the new baby and the rest of the time your body will cry out for sleep. There is no way that this can not be hard on a relationship (hard is not bad, hard is just hard) and it’s important to have a strong foundation when you go into it.
Third, do a social assessment. Having (or not having) a baby because your family and friends think you should (or should not) is ridiculous. But at the same time, it really helps to have their support. You don’t need to ask permission and you don’t even need to ask their opinion, but you will need to ask for their support. In some situations they will be unwilling/unable to give it, and many times they are unable to give enough of it, and if this is the case you should be prepared for it. Beyond your family and friends, how will the rest of your social network react? Where will you find support and where will you find resistance? Do you have a church community that can help you? What about a mentor or counselor? What will it be like at work?
As you do all of these assessments, be sure to spend time in prayer. Pray for your unborn baby, for your role as a parent and as a spouse. Pray for your partner and pray for yourself. Ask God for his guidance and protection as well as his blessings as you join him as a co-creator of a new life.
NEXT: Part II: Some Practical Steps
Deciding to start a family is not something to be taken lightly. Adding a child to the mix will change your life forever, not to mention the life of the child yet to be born. With all the implications, impacts, and responsibilities that come with bringing a new baby into the world it would be a good idea to think things through and do a little planning and preparation before you begin trying to get pregnant. Ideally, you will begin the planning process at least three months before you begin trying, taking a year to prepare would be even better. If that feels like a long time, just remember how long you are going to have a child to care for!
To start, do a personal assessment. What are your reasons for wanting a child? Everybody will have slightly different answers, and none (well, most) aren’t wrong, but you need to be able to articulate your reasons for pursuing pregnancy. This, by the way, is true for both the mother and the father. What reservations do you have? If you have no reservations, think a little harder. Like I said, having a baby is life changing, you will have to give up certain things.
When you have thought through your motivations, hopes, and fears about pregnancy and child-rearing, think about your personal skills and weaknesses. How are you at being patient? Can you handle a messy house? When things begin to get uncomfortable (big belly, hormones, not to mention pushing a baby out) how will you handle it? What are your coping skills? Make an assessment of some of the very pragmatic elements involved in having a baby as well. How are you financially? Do you have health insurance (because you REALLY NEED health insurance)? Do you have a stable living environment (i.e. a stable home that is free from violence and other dangerous conditions)? What about the job situation? Does you or your spouse have a reasonably secure job?
Second, do a relationship assessment. There are many, many good, single parents in the world who work hard, love their children, and raise responsible adults, but single parenting is a hard road to take; it is not fair to you or to the child, who really needs the influence of both a mom and a dad. With that in mind, how stable is your relationship? A stable relationship is a relationship without abuse (physical, emotional, sexual), without secrets, and with complete trust. A stable relationship is a long-term relationship (i.e. 3-5 years) and is characterized by communications and compassion. Are you with the person you intend to stay with? Can you picture your spouse as a parent?
Having a child is something you need to discuss with your partner several times before actually trying to become pregnant. This might sound obvious, but it rarely occurs with the frequency and depth that it deserves. Part of the problem is we tend to assume that we know how our spouse feels about certain things because we know him/her so well about everything else. Moreover, there are many things that might seem obvious to you that are far from obvious to your spouse. So talk about pregnancy. Talk about what it will be like to be pregnant and what it will like to raise a child. Talk about discipline, talk about names. Talk about who is going to be in the room when the actual birth takes place. Talk about decorating the baby’s room, talk about feeding the baby. As each of you progress in this process of preparation and eventually pregnancy be sure to share insights, ideas, and bits of knowledge you learn along the way. There will almost certainly be some different opinions between the two of you, which is why it is a good idea to start this process early and allow time to sort everything out.
I mentioned that a stable relationship is a long-term relationship. Let me define that a little bit more and say why I think it is so important. To begin with, the count-down to “long-term” begins not when you first met or first started dating, but when you got married. Marriage changes a relationship, and people continue to change within a marriage. It is important that you get to know your partner as your spouse, not just your boyfriend/girlfriend. Also, when a third person comes into the house in the form of a small infant, you will find your time for each other dramatically reduced. The reasons for this are numerous, but in short you will be spending an amazing amount of time caring for the new baby and the rest of the time your body will cry out for sleep. There is no way that this can not be hard on a relationship (hard is not bad, hard is just hard) and it’s important to have a strong foundation when you go into it.
Third, do a social assessment. Having (or not having) a baby because your family and friends think you should (or should not) is ridiculous. But at the same time, it really helps to have their support. You don’t need to ask permission and you don’t even need to ask their opinion, but you will need to ask for their support. In some situations they will be unwilling/unable to give it, and many times they are unable to give enough of it, and if this is the case you should be prepared for it. Beyond your family and friends, how will the rest of your social network react? Where will you find support and where will you find resistance? Do you have a church community that can help you? What about a mentor or counselor? What will it be like at work?
As you do all of these assessments, be sure to spend time in prayer. Pray for your unborn baby, for your role as a parent and as a spouse. Pray for your partner and pray for yourself. Ask God for his guidance and protection as well as his blessings as you join him as a co-creator of a new life.
NEXT: Part II: Some Practical Steps
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